The Heart of The Matter.
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery
In this quest for answers, I have discovered that some things are fundamental to every aspect of life. The answers, at least in my case, seem to come at the most inopportune times. This is one such case. On May 31st at about 8 PM, this thought struck me with all the force of a nuclear reaction. The one unremitting fact about myself that I have never been able to accept, the very tap-root of my belief system.
God created me, just as I am.
This is my truth: I have lived a life of fear; fear that people will not accept me, for who I am. I have from the beginning of time, held tightly the belief that I must be more than I am. My parents always encouraged me, but just underneath the surface, was a very strong under-current never spoken, yet constantly present and incessantly speaking in whispers: “ You will never achieve what your predecessors have achieved.” So, throughout my life, I was made to feel small.
I cannot accept that no matter what I do to change, I am fundamentally perfect, flaws and all. God created me, just as I am. I cannot accept the fact that this is it, that this is all I am and all I will ever be.
That is not to say I should not strive to do better, but I must accept that I will never be anyone but who I am. I can change my ideas and thoughts, but I cannot change the core of who I am.
Wow, I am not sure what to do with that.
Thank you for reading.
And I would like to thank Kinga Dow for the quote.